Becoming an Online Mande in Facebook

DISCLAIMER: Makkez.com is in no way affiliated with the FB Page Comedy Macha’s & Machi’s. Many people are thinking that I am owning that page whereby after I posted the article Becoming a Typical Facebook Meenachi, co-incidentally the FB page was opened by someone a few days after. Yeneiye summa utturengge pa, ungge tholle thangge mudille.

Apart from that, this post merely highlights what those 12 ~ 17 year old kids who are having too much of free time are doing nowadays. These kids aren’t gangsters, but are scumbags who don’t bother about their studies and families and self-proclaiming themselves to be some gang members. Seriously, real gangsters don’t do all this shit. They will keep a low-profile of themselves and would remain unnoticed most of the time.

After I posted the article Becoming a Typical Facebook Meenachi, I received a lot of personal messages from Meenachis asking on why I am being sexist and why I am focusing on Meenachis alone. These girls failed to understand that the article was not intended to ridicule girls in general but particularly those Meenachis who have been going around and tarnishing our community’s image with their retarded behaviour. That being said, here comes the Machans version.

Talking about Machans, there are many types of them. You can see one Machan wearing an XXXXL sized T-Shirt with 2pac in it (do they even know him?) accompanied with a skirt-alike baggy pants, another Machan who dresses casually and decently and last but not least, yet another Machan who would self-proclaim himself to be a punmande and can be seen wearing the same ‘belang-belang’ T-Shirt, a sidebag, a faded jeans and a pair of sandals every freaking week. Previously, I came up with an article on what kind of language/words these mandes would frequently use and this time, we shall see how could someone possibly become a mande in Facebook. Following are the prerequisites: (more…)

Becoming a Typical Facebook Meenachi

This post has been drafted a long time ago and I thought of posting it now by adding an additional point (the last point) below. I did posted a similar article a few years back but that was for those meenachis in Friendster. By the way, please do not take this post seriously as it was meant to be fun.

If you have been surfing Facebook for quite some time and seen a lot of profiles, you might have stumbled upon some meenachis’ profiles and how they would decorate their profiles particularly their profile picture in such a way that they would be changing it every 3 minutes and 47 seconds with a retarded “quote” accompanied with some blurry effects being applied to it. Yes, I know that it is their profile and it is up to them on how they want to design decorate it.

But then, if cropping your duck-faced picture, zooming in to your so-called boobs and then blurring the whole thing is what you call as design, then I am better off stop designing for god’s sake. While most of these meenachis wouldn’t actually use Photoshop to decorate their pictures, there are plenty of online image editing tools and photo frame editors whereby they would have the same set of  settings and effects to be used just like how it is in Photoshop. At the end of this article, I will list down the most common steps on how you can re-design your profile picture the meenachi-style!

Before that, in order for one to become a typical Facebook meenachi, there are a few prerequisites that have to be fulfilled. Refer below: (more…)

Machans and Machis MLM Tricks

MLM or better known as multi-level-marketing made its way to Malaysia a few years back. Initially, this particular field was dominated by the Malays and Chinese and our Indian makkals slowly ventured into it after hearing some bullshit stories on how some people successfully bought a 7 million bungalow in just 5 months and how some premium-super-gold-platinum achiever went to the extend of buying a Boeing 747 flight and traveling the whole world in it just by promoting a perfume or a healthy drink which they are selling for RM999.99. Seriously, why buy this kind of products when you can buy the same for a mere RM9.99 at local pharmacies and stores?

The answer – marketing strategy. Yes, let me put it straight. Indians can be fools and at the same time, can be easily fooled too. Just show them a pamphlet of a purported ‘Tok Guru’ offering some 4D number predictions and immediately, out of 10 Indians that you’ve approached, at least 5 of them would be eager to know more about the Tok Guru and out of those 5, 3 of them would be standing-by to bank-in some deposit to the Tok Guru’s account in order for him to buy some ‘prayer materials’ to start predicting those 4D numbers. Seriously, if the Tok Guru himself can really predict 4D numbers and so, then why the hell he is sitting under a tree for the rest of his life and offering his services to you for a few thousand bucks? Frankly speaking, he would have long struck the 4D jackpot, winning like RM1 million every freaking week and instead of sitting under a tree, he would be sitting at a Casino in USA by now. This, my dear readers, would be one of the easiest method to cheat Indians up until today.

Alright, talking about MLM, you see, our machans and machis are very attracted to MLM nowadays. They believe that it is a shortcut for them to be a millionaire in just a few months by selling some lame products. While they do see the benefits of it, they fail to realise the consequences they are about to face if things goes wrong terribly. Following would be some of the common things that are associated with MLM:

1) Healthy drinks
2) Education portals
3) Perfumes
4) Cosmetic sets
5) Nutritional supplements
6) Cleaning supplies

I am not against MLM here. It is just not my cup of tea. Some of you may have earned a decent income out of it whilst some of you may even be doing it for a long period of time. However, based on my own personal experience, there are way too much of complains and grouses in contrast to some ‘successful stories’ that I’ve heard. What I am going to pen down next would be some examples on how our machans and machis would act their way to convince you to lean towards them, the fucked up way of-course. (more…)

Happy Deepavali 2012

Deepavali
“Annaivarukum yen iniye Deepavali naal valthukal”
 

This post is dedicated to all my blog readers, fellow commenters, haters, fellow SaiFund.ORG committee members, fellow Malaysian Indian bloggers, the ever-loving Presana Narayanan and to all the machans and machis out there.


This year’s Deepavali celebration is a different one for me because instead of the usual window shopping, thanni session and jamming at nightclubs, myself together with other SaiFund.ORG committee members and volunteers took our time off to spend some time with the kids at SJK(T) Ladang Kati, Sauk, Perak on 9th November 2012. We never went there empty-handed but instead, we brought along 6 PC sets, school bags, Deepavali goodies, stationery items and many more to be given to those kids. For more details, you may refer to the blog post over here.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all our volunteers who were there to accompany us, the SaiFund.ORG committee members. A big thanks goes out to all our donators and well wishers as well as without all of you, we are basically powerless. We look forward to come up with more and more charity events in the near future and should you be interested to join us or donate to support our cause, feel free to visit SaiFund.ORG.

While writing this, I remembered of an article that I wrote approximately 4 years back in which I penned down my own observations on what Deepavali celebration means for our machans and machis. (more…)

Clubbing Valkei for Dummies

This article was supposed to be posted during the Madurey shooting incident but since my blog went haywire during that time, only now I got the time to post this. Kesulitan tersebut amatlah dikesali.

In my whole life, I only started going to Indian clubs when I finished my SPM and that too, for the sake of having a peek on how those clubs/pubs actually look like. Three things that you must experience when you visit a club – Cigarette smoke all over the place, booze and girls. These three things are basically inseparable and if you are comfortable with all these, then congratulations, you have been approved as a certified clubber.


Gambar sekadar hiasan and courtesy of Google
Based on the number of clubs that I have ‘visited’, a club may run fine even if their liquor prices are effin expensive and if their DJ keeps on playing some Bieber songs but without girls, the club owners may rather shut down their clubs and set up a burger stall instead. For some reason, these ‘clubbing girls/ladies’ and the term itself are being used up as a great marketing ploy to lure in more and more machans to turun to those clubs.

However, just like how there are a few rule of thumbs in life, the same applies in clubbing too. What I am going to pen down below are based on my personal observation thus my point of view might be different than yours. If you have something to say, you are more than welcome to comment below.

So, what are the rule of thumb in clubbing? Basically, there are some. Have you read the news regarding the Madurey shooting incident lately? At first, the news piece reported that a fight broke out between a group of friends with the club bouncers in which the group was denied entry since it was already passed 4am. A few days later, another news came in stating that the actual reason of the brawl was due to one particular group baiting a girl of another group in the club and within a blink of eye, two innocent lives were gone just like that. My deepest condolences to them.

Having said that, let me start with the first rule of thumb in clubbing : (more…)