Are you a Tamilan? Are you a Malayalee? Are you a Telugu?

Whenever I came across any Indian asking me these kind of questions, I would really love to answer it in a ‘decent’ way: Would it make any f*cking difference If I happened to be in any of these categories? But, for the sake of ‘being polite’, I would just go like: “Yea, I am a Tamilan. So what?”. SO WHAT? Just because I’m a Tamilan and you are a Malayalee/Telugu, are you going to show off your middle finger at me and go away?

Now, what made me to bring up this ‘inter-racial’ issue anyway? Well, continue reading!

Yesterday, this blog received some incoming hits from a link which seems to be a Friendster’s bulletin board post. So, obviously I would click on it to see where it is heading to and who would have posted it. But, to my disappointment, it didn’t showed anything! Well, of course it won’t as the ’someone’ who posted that bulletin is NOT in my friends list (Only those bulletins posted by the people in our ‘friends’ list are viewable). Therefore, I have to ‘force’ myself to view that bulletin by any means and surprisingly, I succeeded! And as for the content of the bulletin, well, have a look at the screenshot image below:

Those links that he has posted are broken. Therefore, whenever someone clicked any of those links, they would be redirected to a built-in 404 error page and I have no idea to which blog post he had linked them initially. I believe it would be those few Tamil conversation posts and some of my recent articles.
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Sorry guys but I could not recall his full name! The above would be one of the best mimicry I have ever seen, besides those of Michael Augustine, Kovai Guna and Western Pattabi from the same programme (Asatha Povathu Yaaru). These guys rock!
 
Feel free to watch this one as well (Vijay and Cochin Haniffa damn good!):
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If you want me to say it in our common language, it goes like this: BERLAGAK!

I was walking down the streets nearby my university with a bunch of junk foods in my hand, and as usual, I was observing around on how the other homosapiens are interacting with each other. Hey, that doesn’t mean I’m stalking at them!

All of a sudden, there was a very loud sound known to be emanating from a car’s terribly-tweaked exhaust pipe. At the same time, I had a strong instinct saying that it would CERTAINLY be a bunch of Indian guys roaming the streets with their Perodua Kancil. Guess what? I was correct! Most of the Indian mandes who could not afford to purchase an expensive car would end up buying either Perodua Kancil or Perodua Kelisa and in addition to that, only the god knows how the hell they managed to fork out a lot money to ‘build-up’ their car!

All right, It’s your car and you have the rights to modify it according to your needs. I am not denying that. But, the moment those dudes passed by the road at the side of my university, they slowed down a little. The reason? One idiot at the co-driver seat started to switch the CD to a ‘better song’ and increased the volume to the extent that the bass sucks like hell! Another two idiots at the passenger seat lowered down the car’s window at both sides and started jerking their heads outside and staring at the others with their RM10 so-called cooling glasses and dancing to the tune of the music that is being played. All the above incident happened in a split of second I would say, or to be precise, not more than 30 seconds lar!

What song was played?
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Why? Why? Why?

After watching Dasavatharam a few days back, I approached some of my known-individuals (friends!) to get their feedback on the movie Dasavatharam and to my despair, there were some people who claimed that the movie was “hmmm….OKlar”! Oklar? Come on dude, it was awesome!

So, why would one say so? Because Rajinikanth didn’t acted with his punch dialogues? Or maybe because Vijay didn’t acted with his same and lame “Naa nadentha whatever, naa okantha whatever, naa kuminja whatever” shit quote?

Some said the storyline was kinda ‘dragging’. Some said the movie was kinda ’slow’ - which means the same thing as ‘dragging’ previously. Some even said that the movie was kinda confusing! Let us exclude the latter part and concentrate on the former part. Dragging? Slow? I would say that a tiny portion of you people are none other than those typical-minded Indians in which the only thing that you all would LOVE and IS-A-MUST to have in a Tamil movie would be:

• A dance scene in the forest.
• A poor hero falling in love with a rich girl.
• A scene whereby either the heroin’s mama or her father himself would be chasing the hero with a parang.
• A death scene accompanied with a fight and some few arguments.
• Dan sebagainya.

I could recall a few years back when the movie Aalavanthan made its debut and so many mixed reviews were thrown out pertaining to it. I approached a few of my cousins and asked their feedbacks at that time:
 

Makkez: How was the Aalavanthan movie? You liked it?
Cousin Girl 1: Not nice lar… Got cartoon scene all… Like stupid only..

 

Makkez: How was the Aalavanthan movie? You liked it?
Cousin Girl 2: Padoma athu!

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I was watching a Tamil ‘god’ movie that day, not those old old movies in “Deiva Ulagam” but some of the recent Tamil god movies and I don’t know why but SOME of the god movies that I have encountered would have these somewhat ’similarities’ in them.

1) Storyline
First comes our hero. He would be a bad guy and would have a bad intention in doing some shit against his devotee wife or his family members. Then, the devotee wife would somehow knew about her husband’s bad intention and would seek the god’s help. Somehow again, the husband would knew about his wife’s mission and he would do his part by seeking a devil priest. Then in the end, both the devil priest and the god would be fighting and obviously, the god would win. The husband would start crying, hug his wife and he would admit that he has repented. And they lived happily ever after.

2) Hero
Is it only me or anyone else have noticed that both RAMKI and KARAN have been going on a loop for the role of “Hero” for certain Tamil god movies?

3) Child god
Usually some gods would tend to incarnate themselves in the form of a young and bubbly child and would start roaming the planet earth once they have arrived. The best part is, MOST of them would love to laugh for no reason! They would go like HA.HA.HA.HA…..*talks something*….HA.HA.HA.HA.HA…..HA.HA.HA.HA.HA. Why is the need of that laughter when a serious situation is going on, my dear child god? In addition to the echoed voice! I do understand that the previous-mentioned characteristic(s) is very useful especially to expose the “child god” to the public without showing him/her as a god directly but this situation has became a protocol for most of the said child gods; “Talk, laugh, talk, laugh”. Come on, I bet there should be many other ways to represent a child god! It’s getting annoying lar!

4) Final god’s appearance
You call a god peacefully, he won’t appear. You sing in the temple, cry, run here and there, roll on the floor with some blood on your forehead and finally, you shout loudly in the end of the song and you ended up being faint. Then only the god would appear. WHY?
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Emails. No one can deny this. Gone are the days when emails were used to greet someone, to get-to-know someone and even keeping in touch with someone, and that someone could be anyone! Today, though some of these things are still happening, but at the same ongoing pace, our teenagers are blindfolded on what is the bloody meaning of HOAX and STUPID FORWARDED MESSAGES! HOAX - which means whatever information you happened to receive, it is actually a bullshit! “MSN is closing down so forward this”, “Microsoft is paying money for forwarding this message”, “The biggest human skeleton”, “Dead mermaid found in Manila / Chennai / Brazil” and etc. You name it!

Once our kids received these kind of messages, they would be so excited / worried depending on the message that they have received and irregardless of the accuracy of the message, their next step would be to FORWARD IT! You see, I’m not blaming those kids for forwarding emails but for god’s sake, please think for a moment on what shit you are forwarding and GOOGLE IT YOU NOOB! For instance, if you received an email of a “dead mermaid found in bla bla bla”, try googling for “dead mermaid found hoax” and have a look at those search results. Furthermore, if you received an email of “Microsoft is paying money for forwarding this email”, then go ahead and try googling for “microsoft is paying money email hoax“. Do you think those fellas at Microsoft have no other better work to do rather than paying some bunch of idiots for forwarding the same lame email? Once again, the search results would tell you everything!

I’m not asking you to Google for whatever forwarded emails that you have received but if you are deciding to forward them and happened to use your brain a little to see whether the information of the forwarded email is correct or otherwise, then GOOGLE IT! A tip: Try adding the word “hoax” at the back in your keyword searches. The results would tell you whether the email is actually a ‘hoax’ or a pure information (which I highly doubt of it).
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We have seen a person blackmailing another person and we have also seen a girlfriend blackmailing her own boyfriend. But in this case, a virus blackmailing the computer user?

Kaspersky Lab has reported that this virus is a dangerous encryptor virus going around by the name of Virus.Win32.Gpcode.ak. The creator of the virus should be a computer genius and would have spent hell lot of time sticking in front of his/her PC and I bet he/she should be jumping around right now seeing his/her virus spreading rapidly via this e-world.

Here’s a brief information about the virus:
 

Gpcode.ak encrypts files with various extensions including, but not limited, to .doc, .txt, .pdf, .xls, .jpg, .png, .cpp, .h and more using an RSA encryption algorithm with a 1024-bit key. Kaspersky Lab added a signature for Virus.Win32.Gpcode.ak on June 4, 2008.

Kaspersky Lab virus researchers have to date been able to crack keys up to 660 bits. This was the result of a detailed analysis of the RSA algorithm implementation. It has been estimated that if the encryption algorithm is implemented correctly, it would take 1 PC with a 2.2 Ghz processor around 30 years to crack a 660-bit key. The author of Gpcode has taken two years to improve the virus: the previous errors have been fixed and the key has been lengthened to 1024 bits instead of 660.

At the time of writing, we are unable to decrypt files encrypted by Gpcode.ak since the key is 1024 bits long and we have not found any errors in implementation yet. Thus, at the time of writing, the only way to decrypt the encrypted files is to use the private key which only the author has.

More info: Kaspersky Lab

 
Even those geniuses at Kaspersky have said that the only way to decrypt this virus is to get the private decryptor which is owned by the virus-creator himself/herself. Now, that my friends, is something to be worried about. Incase if you happened to be one of the victim of this virus, nothing could be done! And I meant NOTHING! Just bid farewell to your infected files and continue your journey.

Imagine you are planning to keep the texts of your most sweetest and romantical conversation between you and your beloved GF/BF in MSN Messenger as one of your ‘unforgettable moments’ and saved in a DOC (Microsoft Word) file. All of a sudden, the virus attacked your PC and all your DOC files have been ‘encrypted’, and the only way you could retrieve back your files is to BUY the private decryptor from the author himself/herself and only the god knows how much he/she would charge for it (he/she can even charge $10000 if he/she wants).

You might resort to those geniuses at Kaspersky Lab, let’s say for a cheaper price, if and only if you need to recover those files desperately! Well, that won’t be a big hassle for them but, do bear in mind that it would take a whooping 46 FREAKING YEARS TO CRACK THE CODES of your infected files (a PC with 2.2Ghz processor) and in addition, the 100% recovery of your files are not guaranteed!

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The title says it all! This time, I would neither go around bashing those boys nor would I bash those girls, but for a change, it would be an AUNTY! An aunty by the name of ‘Veeramah‘. Haha.

The story goes like this. I was going through some of my local Tamil songs collection inside my PC and there was a folder called “Veeramah”. Inside that folder were a bunch of songs purportedly sang by this “Veeramah” and I have totally forgotten how the hell did those “Veeramah” songs got into my PC! No, it is not a virus or a spyware. And no, my mother’s name is not Veeramah either.

All of a sudden, a flashback came into my mind! I could then recall that I happened to stumble upon this “Veeramah” audio CD long time ago at Brickfields and I had a shock the moment I had a glimpse at the cover of the CD! It depicted a middle-aged woman (I guess so) posing like a BIKER and If I’m not mistaken, a Harley-Davidson-look-alike bike was beside her. I couldn’t control my laughter, put down that CD and left the shop.

A few years have passed and I am now having her songs in my PC! Hmmm. Anyway, I just thought of listening to one of her tracks out of curiosity and to my stupor, I was speechless. Speechless in such a way that I could not speak (type lah!) anything else further.

You listen to it and you judge it.

Click the PLAY button below to hear the song. PAUSE it so that it would buffer fully and you could hear the song without any interruption. If your curiosity is at the optimum level, do not hesitate to listen till the end.

Go get Adobe Flash Player!
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For those of you who have never heard of these two terms: “kaigelz” and “mandes” - Well, I would say that you are living in an outdated century. Anyways, “kaigelz” refers to “a group of Indian friends” while on the other half, “mandes” refers to “the head of a particular group” - or to be precise, the head of a “gangsters-wannabe” group.

Now, there might be many other incongruous versions for the meaning of those two words which may or may not be appropriate in terms of its usage and the environment. Well, to be on the safer side, I would rather streamline this post so that the coverage would be focused on our KAIGELZ and MANDES at schools alone! You got that right, at schools!

Gone are the days when you could see around 3 to 5 guys walking around and self-proclaiming themselves to be the thugs in schools. Gone are the days when you could see ALL the girls running away from this so-called ‘thugs’ when they are around. As we all may know, the world is evolving and so do our community here in Malaysia.

Nowadays, KAIGELZ at schools would be accompanied by a freak, who is known as the MANDE of that group. But still, there are some KAIGELZ who remains as KAIGELZ until now without any MANDES or *censored*, and my utmost respect for them would be there! Allright, back to our topic. So, what makes this particular MANDE to become the MANDE after all? Who elected him anyway? The answer - None and no.

Well, actually, there are some certain criterias which have to be fulfilled in order for one to become a MANDE for a group of KAIGELZ at a school. First, the walking style. You walk straight as a normal person and you shall be regarded as a nerd. You walk sideways and you shall be regarded as a jerk. Now, go ahead and ask, “then how should a MANDE walk like a MANDE then?”
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